COMMUNICATION & PARENTING ISSUES IN
FAMILIES WITH DEAF PARENTS AND HEARING CHILDREN
Kerri Clark
April 24, 2003
“Mother
father deaf” is a phrase commonly used in the deaf community to identify a
hearing child of deaf parents. Statistics show that over 90% of all deaf
parents have hearing children, referred to as CODA’s (children of deaf
adults.) These are families that bridge the divide between the hearing and
deaf worlds, thus facing unique communication and parenting challenges.
Although there is much research about deaf children of hearing parents,
little research exists about communication and parenting issues in coda
families. The following is a summary of some of those issues.
Language is
an important part of one’s cultural identity. Although not all deaf persons
use ASL, it is considered the single most important element that binds the
deaf community together (Filer and Filer.) Many deaf persons attend state
residential schools for the deaf, because it is there that ASL and important
cultural traditions of the deaf community are learned. The deaf often have
negative experiences with the hearing world, and many deaf associate only on
a very limited basis with the hearing. Coda’s often serve as interpreters
for their parents, thus becoming the communication link between their
parents and the hearing world. There are several concerns surrounding
children that serve as interpreters for their parents. One concern is that
children are expected to interpret in situations that are considered
inappropriate, whether its subject or age appropriateness, placing them in
confusing and vulnerable situations. This creates for some hearing children
an unwanted pressure and burden that they are too young to resist or
negotiate (Singleton & Tittle.) It is quite interesting to note that most of
these situations are ‘encouraged’ by members of the hearing world. On the
other hand, coda’s also enjoy the richness associated with the knowledge of
language and cultures of two worlds and report that maintaining this
‘special’ role in the family structure helped them gain responsibility,
maturity and the ability to empathize with others (Preston, 1994.)
Protection is
another issue that coda’s face within the family unit. The hearing child may
not interpret for their parents the insensitive remarks or comments made by
a hearing person who assumed everyone in the family was deaf because they
were all signing. Often times coda’s experience isolation and rejection from
peers because they do not feel comfortable or want to associate with the
deaf family members, thus creating a situation in which the coda cannot
openly discuss emotions and feelings of rejection with their parents for
fear of hurting their feelings. Children also may become hyper vigilant,
listening for things that their parents could not hear such as ‘monsters’,
burglars, smoke alarms, and cracking sounds of the ceiling collapsing (Filer
& Filer.) Many feel that this could be considered as ‘role reversal’ and
could later cause problems for the parent in later years when teenage trials
and power struggles take place.
Another
issue, which is perhaps the most critical, in my opinion, is the issue of
communication between the deaf parent and the hearing child. Studies show
that most deaf parents “have no particular problem” accepting their child’s
ability to hear, but are “acutely aware” that parenthood forces them to
address things “they have no knowledge about.” (Sell) The family power
structure is greatly influenced by the flow of information. The flow of
information in a hearing family is open within the family system and outside
the family system to the larger community, but the flow of information
changes drastically with the addition of a deaf member; moreover, it can be
severely restricted when families with deaf and hearing members do not have
a mutual communication system (Rienzi.) Although ASL is a legitimate
language for family interaction, it is important to note that different
dyads within a deaf-parented family could be using different communication
systems, some ASL and other not. Deaf parents may use ASL between themselves
but use a mixed mode of communication with their hearing children.
Furthermore, communication between a deaf parent and a hearing child may not
always be effective. The deaf parent may use fragmented speech to the child,
but expect the child to sign back to them. This causes an obvious problem as
to how the child is to learn sign when the parent is not signing to him/her.
Thus, it is not unusual for the child to understand what the parent
expresses, but not vice versa. (Rienzi) Parents may have a misguided notion
that they should not sign with their child simply because the child is
hearing, and some parents have reported not signing with their child in
order to prevent the over reliance on their child to serve as their
interpreter. Such parents elect to speak to their child with reduced speech
clarity and probable ungrammatical form. The end result of this situation
may be that the hearing child cannot sign and the parent-child relationship
becomes restricted and asymmetrical. (Rienzi)
In summary,
research and parenting literature generally find that deaf parents are
competent and caring and have excellent relationships with their hearing
children. Although there are some specific issues involving communication,
it does not appear that deaf parents are at a greater risk for serious
family dysfunction than hearing parents of hearing children. (Rienzi) Today,
there are many resources available that can help protect coda’s and their
parents from many of the issues discussed. First, professional interpreters
should be used whenever possible for situations that might be inappropriate
for the coda to interpret such as adult conversation, legal issues and
school matters. Second, deaf parents should make sure that they tap into
resources to help them achieve a sense of independence and the ability to be
the ‘protector’ in the household. Parents should have open and frank
discussions regarding discrimination and give ‘what to do’ suggestions to
their children when those situations arise. Thirdly, and most important,
deaf parents should make sure that they teach their hearing child the form
of communication that is predominately used by them. It is critical for the
hearing child to be able to communicate his/her feelings with the parent and
not just serve as an interpreter of the parent’s feelings and decisions.
References
Filer, D., &
Filer, C. (2000). Practical Considerations For Counselors Working With
Hearing Children of Deaf Parents. Journal of Counseling & Development,
Winter 2000, Vol. 78, Issue 1.
Rienzi, B. (1990). Influences and Adaptability in Families with Deaf
Parents and Hearing Children. American Annals of the Deaf, 135, 402-408.
Sell, Jill. (2001). Deaf Parents, Hearing Children Face Communication
Challenges.
http://www.newhouse.com/archive/